Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
