I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize