I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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