WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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