She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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