so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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