so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
