I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
