Kiss
Puke
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
