You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
