somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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