I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
