So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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