You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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