i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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