I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
