Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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