I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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