I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
