I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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