life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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