dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
