Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
