Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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