too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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