I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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