Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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