I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize