people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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