i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
