i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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