No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
