i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
