If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
