my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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