Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
