She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
