Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
