LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
