dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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