Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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