Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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