Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i've created a new STD.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
