Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
