She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
accomplished twins. life is a go
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
