$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Randomize
