last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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