I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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