it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
