I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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