Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
