We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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