you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
