I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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