i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
