He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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