There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
