You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
