Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
