why didn't you poke me back
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
