I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm at about main and main street
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
