I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
