I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
